| ATTENTION FOOLS |
[05 Dec 2005|01:02pm] |
i got me a new LJ account... its friend only... so add me, and i'll add you=D
so thank you, and goodnight=P
my new username is: lifelovefiction
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| ATTENTION |
[02 Dec 2005|12:41pm] |
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...................all new entries will be friends only... comment so you can see my entries................ Good day.
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| Looking for a helping hand? There's one on your arm. |
[01 Dec 2005|07:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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arrogant worms - cows with guns |
] |
so... whats interesting thats happend lately? NOTHIN thats what. yesterday i went to Perkins with Jess, Ray, Trevor, and Nyla. i had fun. we made a waiter completely ignore us. everytime he came to take our order we werent ready.. and then he gave up. i laughed. then we got an awesome chick waitress... i bet she thought we were all on crack. cause we were NUTS! we made two concoctions. one out of Jess's icecream bowl, and one out of my hot choco cup. i laughed. then Nyla and i decided to run accross the street and make snow angels in the big mound of snow. but then we realized it was ice, and ran back. Nyla was all dirrty.. and i must say. that was hott. even though we were frozen. what else happened in my Oh So Interesting life? Not much else. also... a family friend is in the hospital...=( that made me sad. Oh... i also stressed myself out so much on monday that i got uber sick on tuesday. it was great. i didnt laugh. i am also going on this salad diet in hopes of losing about 3 or 4 pounds. i hope that works out.
Oh.. my friend Vicky lost her cell phone... i feel bad. i blame the schools assembly today. of course. the stupid school HAD to have an assembly on drunk driving... in my C period. im going.. " uh.. no. i dont think so. i have better things to do then sit and listen to your 'dont drink and drive' speech. Mr Bilan just kinda watched as i casually walked out of the building. i dont think he cared much. teehee. OHH!! Anna and I have a friendly balloon dude living in our locker. His name: Frank. hes green. and every time i see him i have a huge urge to pop him. just to piss off Anna. but that wouldnt go over to well..
anyways... i think im done for now.
im out
Peaceness
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| The Robots made me do it! |
[29 Nov 2005|11:16am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
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sound of the show Becker on my Tv |
] |
sick... again... sat there in math going " why are single digit number suddenly double digit numbers?" and then i looked up and the room started to spin... fun... going back to bed now...
go back to sleep
go back to sleep
go back to... sleep.
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[28 Nov 2005|12:27pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
] |
if all i ever do is fuck things up.. then is there really any point in being here anymore?
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| your anger makes me happy =) |
[28 Nov 2005|12:57am] |
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mood |
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 bitchy, pissed, and depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the sound of me not being able to go out anymore. |
] |
so.... harry potter was good.. sadly, i didnt go to perkins, i would have loved to if my father wasnt so anal about everything. fucker. he told me point blank that i am lying to him. when i told him i wasnt. he disagreed. i told him the movie ended and we all went home. apperently, that was bad. i told him i was not lying, and that what he chooses to believe is his problem. not mine. and i am not lying. i dont care anymore. hes like " dont ever ask me to go out again." and i dont get it. i didnt do anything wrong. i told him the fucking truth. saw movie, went home. i hate it here. i want out. its amazing how a night can be so good, and then move to horrible all in a matter of minutes. I WANT TO DIE
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| Did you fall out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down?? |
[24 Nov 2005|06:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Arrogent worms - war of 1812 |
] |
alrighty so.... MY FAMILY IS FUCKING RETARDED!!!! honestly. you people need to [must i repeat myself for the billionth time?!] GROW THE FUCK UP! ok?! thats the last fucking time i say this. stop saying shit like " Well.. if your grandfather was around..." guess what losers, hes not. therefore, hes got no fucking say on this topic. [gawd bless his soul] also, stop thinking like fucking children. coming up with stupid little unrational punishments and START ACTING YOUR AGE YOU INCOMPITENT MOFOS! im sorry i must use this language with you, but you seem to be deaf when i speak otherwise. [woah.. me sounds smart and angry here!] think that your retarded speach doesnt piss me off? YOU GUESSED WRONG! the way you guys have been acting is totally like.. 5 years ago. lmao. its just.. your decisions towards shit is retarded. you arent thinking rationally towards this type of stuff. its like.. you dont want to deal with the problem so you just come up with a done deal solution. which doesnt really help the situation. it only makes it worse. nor does it actually make it go away. its like.. anything you all say is what we're going to follow. well.. think again. really. think. im 16. do you savvy? im a fucking teenager. do you honestly think im going to listen to you. i have a mind of my own. im going to go with what i want. even if it may be wrong. i am 16. im going to make mistakes, and im going to learn from them. thats what us teenagers do. you need to understand that. you cant tell me what not to do, as you know [knowing me] i'd do it anyways. sure. id get in trouble. i think thats where i got trouble as my middle name =P but. you cant lock me in my own house. i'll go crazy.. well.. more crazy than i already am. and then once i get out, even if just for a little bit. i'd go stir crazy. man... i hope you all savvy what i just said...
on another note....
im going to the doctors tomorrow. [YUCK] cause every once in a while, i get this pain in my rib cage, and it really hurts. its like.. something is bending, and then if i take in a deeeep breath, it snaps. and holymotherofjesustapdancingchrist does it hurt.
anyways.. im done ranting... and bitching.. and everything else..
im out
peace
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| what i want for christmas is... |
[20 Nov 2005|10:04pm] |
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books:
The Chronicals of Narnia by CS Lewis
The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks
This Lullaby by Sarah Dessen
Keeping The Moon by Sarah Dessen
Movies:
Jaws (both one and two)
Jurassic park (all three)
Star Wars ( all three)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
other:
La Senza gift certificate
Chapters gift certificate
HMV gift certificate
anything Winnie the Pooh
i know this all sounds very arrogent of me. but. im doing this so i dont have to tell everyone what i want. this way, they can see it, and they dont have to ask. so =P
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| how about a nice hot cup of SHUT THE FUCK UP?! |
[20 Nov 2005|06:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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sick |
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music |
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green day - favorite son ( from Rock Against Bush Vol. 2) |
] |
Hola... its been a while since i updated... lol. anyways...
friday, after school, Stewart came over.. he finally met my weird parents. lol.. he talked to my mother for like 3 hours. i felt bad i fell asleep though. around 11 or so Chris and Josh came to pick us up so we could go to " perkins" heh heh. good times. good times. yeah... stewart... your not getting your sweater back until further notice=P mwaha.
saturday... Jess Ray and I went to go pick up Aunt Beth and Unc. Ray took Unc's jeep and then when we got to the airport, he jumped into Jessos car. then from there, we went to Olive Garden.. which we found out, there was no way in hell we were going to find a parking spot. then some old dudes told us that there was a 45 to 50 minute wait. we called Nyla and told her, i suggested that we all go to Boston Pizza instead.. so.. we call everyone, and head out to the Boston Pizza on Moray ( spelling?) THEN!! we find out ( keep in mind its around 6PM now) that we gotta wait until 9PM to eat.. which is no good. i get the server girly to call the Boston Pizza on Kenasten and turns out, its only an hour or less of a wait. we get them to put a reservation under Nylas name. THEN we gotta call everyone again and tell them. Chris ended up picking everyone up again.. i felt soo bad. that totally wasnt supposed to happen. =(. then we FINALLY get there. we barily had to wait.. it was funny. we ate our unlimited pizza and drinks, paid and left. THEN Jess and Stewart and Josh and I went to go pick up Jessos friend Vicky. SHES SO COOL! she drew an anime pic peoples. it was cool.. the stuff she drew was totally awesome. not to mention i loved her pants.. it made me miss my baggy pants =(. When we got to Kareokee, THATS when it got interesting... Chuckie started talking to me about killing himself, and suicide.. which made me really REALLY uncomfortable. it pretty much brought back all sorts of shit im trying to forget ever happend. That being WHY he is no longer allowed near me.. i do not want associate myself with someone like that. i love Babsy so much, for standing up to him for me.. as i obviously couldnt lol. on our way out of Kareokee, i hid behind Stewart cause i REALLY didnt want anything to do with Chuckie... and i still dont. i realised how much i love the people in our group. i dont think i've ever been this happy ever. it feels soooooooo good!
and today i did pretty much nothing. it also felt good. =P
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| hrm? |
[16 Nov 2005|09:57pm] |
You're a natural born trouble-maker. You hate
authority and do everything you can to get
around the law, or in some cases, break it.
Naturally stubborn, you hardly ever sway once a
decision is made. Your nature is fiery and
courageous, and always out-going. You love
attention and usually have kinky fetishes
you're not afraid to explore. People either
love you or hate you.
What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla
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| im innocent.. corrupting the world one person at a time |
[16 Nov 2005|09:18pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
thanks to Nyla.. i stole her survey thinggy... mwaha.. and now im posting all MY info here teehee
i n f o r m a t i o n
1. name: Britt
2. single or taken: taken
3. sex: Female
4. bday: May 1st
5. sign: Taurus
6. siblings: none
7. hair color: dark brown
8. eye color: blue/green/grey
9. shoe size: 8
r e l a t i o n s h i p s
1. who are your best friends?: Jess, Hunter, Anna and many more.
2. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: uhmmhmm
f a s h i o n | s t u f f
1. where is your favorite place to shop: Garage clothing
2. any tattoos or piercings: 10 on my ears..
s p e c i f i c s
1. do you do drugs?: Hugs not Drugs!
2. what kind of shampoo do you use?: i dont know
3. what are you most scared of?: clowns
4. what are you listening to right now?: power 97
5. who is the last person that called you?: Stewart
6. where do you want to get married?: i dunno yet
7. how many buddies are online righ now?: 11
8. if you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?: weight, id change that.
f a v o r i t e s
1. color: Blue, Pink, Black, Silver
2. pasta: pizza
3. boys names: Brian, Rien
4. girls names: Amy, Annissa
5. subjects in school: Art and my spares
6. animals: Horses
7. sports: B-ball
h a v e | y o u | e v e r
1. given anyone a bath?: no
2. smoked?: Tried it, its gross
3. bungee jumped?: no!!!!!! no hieghts!!!!! Ahhhhh *runs and hides*
4. made yourself throw up?: nope
5. skinny dipping?: thats for me to know..
6: ever been in love?: yes
7. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: hell ya
8. pictured your crush naked?: possibly..
9. actually seen your crush naked?: uhm.
10. cried when someone died?: no, i dont cry at funerals. or when someone dies.
11. lied: Yeah!
12. fallen for your best friend?: i dunno
13. been rejected?: yup
14. rejected someone?: yup
15. done something you regret?: most likely
f i n a l | q u e s t i o n s
1. do you like fillings these out?: yesh
2. how many people are you sending this to?: nobody
3. who will send it back?: nobody
4. least likely to send it back?: everybody
5. gold or silver?: Silver!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6. what was the last film you saw at the movies?: Chicken Little!!!!!
7. favorite cartoon?: i dont know
8. what did you have for breakfast this morning?: Nothing.
9. who would you hate to be locked in a room with?: myself
10. who would you love being locked in a room with?: someone hott... Nyla! LMFAO
11. could you live without your computer?: NO! I NEED IT!!!!
12. would you color your hair?: yes, and i have.
13. could you ever get off the computer?: if you want me to.
14. habla espanol?: Si.
15. how many people are on your buddy list?: To many
16. drink alcohol?: mmhmm... i do like my alcohol
17. like watching sunrises or sunsets?: both.. but i prefer sunsets
18. what hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?: both put together
c u r r e n t
clothes: Pjs
music: nothing
taste: nothing really
make-up: none
hair: down
annoyance: BEING BORED AS FUCK
smell: Vanilla
fav artist: i dont know
desktop picture: Duckies
fav group: i dont know
book youre reading: The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen
cd in player: Kelly clarkson, Our Lady Peace, Blink 182
dvd in player: nothing
color of toenails: black
refreshment: none
l a s t | p e r s o n
you touched: Jess
you talked to: Jess
hugged: Jess
you imed: no one
you yelled at: mom
you kissed: Stewart
a r e | y o u
understanding: i think so.
open-minded: can be
arrogant: hardly
insecure: yes!
interesting: um.. i dont know
random: yeah!
hungry: nope.. never
smart: nope
moody: most of the time
childish: oh yea
hard working: can be
organized: hardly
healthy: nope
shy: YES!!!!!!!
difficult: yup
attractive: nope
bored easily: i dont know
messy: yes
responsible: i cant be
obessessed: nope
angry: sometimes
sad: 80% of the time
happy: meh.
hyper: not lately
trusting: Not easily
talkative: not really
legal: to a point.
w h o | d o | y o u | w a n n a
kill: many many people
slap: the many people i'd like to kill
get realie wasted with: i dont know
get high with: HUGS NOT DRUGS!
look like: i dont know
talk to offline: Stewart
talk to online: people.
r a n d o m
in the morning i am: wishing to get more sleep.
all i need is: a special someone to be happy
love is: another form of suicide.
i dream about: .........i dont dream.........
w h i c h | i s | b e t t e r
coke or pepsi: both
flowers or candy: both
tall or short: uhm, in the middle...
o p p o s i t e | s e x
what do you notice first: eyes
last person you slow danced with: no one
worst question to ask: the fuck if i know
makes you laugh the most: being tickeled.. alot.
makes you smile: silly things that are done by a special someone
gives you a funny feeling when you see them: depends on the funny feeling
who do you have a crush on: he knows.
who has a crush on you: he knows.
is easiest to talk to: people.
d o | y o u | e v e r
sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to im you?: no.
save conversations: no.
wish yuu were a member of tha opposite sex?: no
cried because of someone saying something to you?: no
n u m b e r
of times i have had my heart broken: 1
of hearts i have broken: i lost count.
of guys ive kissed: 5+
of girls ive kissed: 0
of continents i have lived in: 1
of tight friends: right now? 3
of cds i own: around 50 or so
of scars on my body: 30 or so
of things in my past that i regret: x=number of things i regret
your | thoughts
i know: things
i want: something/someone
i have: things
i wish: for many things
i hate: crying.
i fear: clows, heights, etc..
i hear: my tv.
i search: for nothing
i wonder: why
i regret: my past
i love: people.
i ache: i dunno
i care: about... stuff...?
i always: something something..
i am not: a slut!!!
i dance: when alone and listening to the PETTIT PROJECT
i sing: in the shower.
i cry: it takes alot for me to cry.
i do not always: think
i fight: for what i want.
i win: being a smart ass.
i lose: when my dad gets into the picture.
i confuse: everyone
i listen: music and people
i can usually be found: online, asleep, with friends, or at school.
i need: to be loved. lol
i am happy: to complete this quizzy thinggy
i should have: been sleeping
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| Live on no evil (read it backwards people) |
[16 Nov 2005|02:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 mellow |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Kelly Clarkson - since U been gone |
] |
Art: handed in my painting.. did nothing again.. all bloody class.. i sat there bored out of my mind.
Math: I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i passed the first half of consumer. i feel smart. well.. i shouldnt.. kus i got a 51 on my exam.. but my final mark is 55% so i am happy..
History: for once, i wasnt falling asleep.. it was weird. im like " whats going on? why am i not asleep?! THE FUCK?!
"i've always dreamed.. that love would be effortless.. like a petal falling to the ground, a dreamer followin his dream" - 'where is your heart' by Kelly Clarkson
yes... you guessed it.. i changed my layout again.. why? because i can, its mine, and i will. however many times i like =P moving on.....i had a pretty good day today.. which feels soo weird. im not used to these good days. it didnt feel routine like usual. but the only thing that made today slightly bad is the fact i feel like a goodyear blimp again.. ='( aswell.. i dont think Mr Peers was to happy.. as i was late for class. but thats ok kus im special. aswell.. i got a loverly complement today.. so i felt special.
so.. all the poems i have been writing lately seem to be morbid.. or dark.. or whatever you wanna call em. its soo weird. its actually freakin me out.
anyways. i got nothin really left to say...
im out
peace
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| You dont know me... |
[15 Nov 2005|04:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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irritated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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NOFX - idiot son of an asshole |
] |
Art: well.. i did nothing. literally. didnt have my sketch book. i finished my painting. so there wasnt anything special going on. shitty deals.
Math: had my exam today. i either did alright, or horribly bad. i wouldnt be surprised if i did horribly bad.
History: took notes. played games. there were only 10 ppl in my class today.
okay... so it snowed. i was happy. but i was hard to walk in the snow cause it came up to my knees. i felt short. this morning i had to walk to school (which i really dont mind, even in snow, i love it) i was the first one to walk on the sidewalk.. guess who had to make the path for the sidewalk?! yup. you guessed it. i felt special. but then, there was this slippery spot on the sidewalk infront of St Pauls. you could see it. so i had to walk on they're drive way area. i dont think they liked it.. i kept getting dirty looks. but you know what?! i dont care. its better to walk on safe ground then break your fucking neck. by the time i got to school, i looked like a HUMAN SNOWCONE. it was sad, in a funny way. every time i got home ( which is twice a day, cause of my spares) my mum had to put my pants and socks in the dryer. but they ended up getting wet and full of snow all over again.
Oh.. and to my family....:
to you... i have to say... reading into peoples PRIVACY. i must say... is childish. okay.. before i go on.. lets go over the deffinition of PRIVACY. shall we?
The state of being free from unsanctioned intrusion: a person's right to privacy.
do you understand now? im sorry if i must be blunt with you. and im sorry im the only one in this family whos got the balls to say this. but its true. what you are doing is childish...- if you are just wanting to see what we're up to as you live out of town.. then that is fine. but reading our LJs to find stuff out about us isnt going to help any. - you say you are adults. well.. then GAWD DAMNIT ACT LIKE ADULTS ALREADY. stop acting like snoopy 5 year old children. its getting old.. really fast. and whats this with listening in on our phone conversations? im sorry i have to say this as i respect you. but GROW UP. wow.. im trying so very hard to keep this G rated... lol. alright.. well.. im going to let you all soak all that up. if you think this is offensive.. then you can stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
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| I haven’t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.. |
[14 Nov 2005|06:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Saliva - Always |
] |
woah.. im finally awake.. yea.. i pretty much slept all day when i should have been studying for my math exam tomorrow.. meh..oh well. man i love spending a humongerous amount of time in my bed and dozing off with the Telly on. mmm good lazy days.. i love em. though.. im not fond of spending lotsa time in the house. BLAH. im actually amazed i got showered and dressed today. mmm i feel clean. =P
swimming/movie night was awesomeness. though we didnt really get through one movie. Gramma had come over and well.. i didnt get to see the rest of the movie.. but thats alright.. i was acting like a jackass infront of my grandmother.. i feel bad.. i also told my rents i wouldnt have alcohol.. but i did. i had one or two blue lagoons.. heh heh... im bad. then i had really bad cramps... which didnt help... STUPID CRAMPS.
on fridayish i got flowers!! i felt soo special. then i felt even more special kuskuskuskuskus i got a cuppycake and a poster =D and no Babsy.. you cannot have the Johnny Depp poster.. for it is mine mwaha.=P
i am waitin for Trev to pick me up for stress or anger management.. whichever you like to call it.
random moment DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOOK!! A DISTRACTION!!!!! *runs*
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| my life is rapidly becoming the punch line for a seriously disturbed joke |
[12 Nov 2005|04:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
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depressed |
] |
...as soon as i walked into this house after hanging with the people i love so much, i could have sworn all that depression came back. only... it hit me twice as hard. i was so happy just hanging out with my friends. then no sooner did i take off my chucks i felt depressed again. i thought "great.. im back in this house again.. only to be kept captive once more..." and "run.. go now... if you leave.. they cant do anything till morning.. why arent you leaving you stupid child?! GO!!!" then i got into my Pjs.. turned off my comp.. turned on my tv.. sat there reading through an old book of stuff i used to write and draw in(otherwize known as the duct tape book)...... its funny how, i still keep finding things that remind me of him..even when i thought i got it all and put it in a box..im still finding little things like a picture i missed, or a diary entry. gues i was wrong..... then, i got major cramps... turned on my comp on... talked to Nyla for a bit.. but i didnt get to spill my guts... i wanted to.. but i felt i had to go back and try to sleep everything i was feeling off.. which didnt help me any anyways. after turning off my comp for the second time, i layed there in bed staring at my wall.. going through all the memories that i have of people who wrote on it... such as Lasha... man... shes soo cool.. we go way back in time.. like... from grade 1?! then.. i went through all the memories i have made with Anna and Vicky.. and him. but thats not the reason i cried. then i went back to reading the stuff in my old book of stuff.. (otherwize known as the duct tape book) and read a story i wrote... and tucked it away in my little pink book. and turned on my comp again.
maybe im BORDERLINE.
i cant take being in this house anymore.... i need to get away. and im not joking about it. i really dont trust myself when i get like this... it scares the shit out of me.. im afraid i'll do something stupid if i dont get out. it may look as if im joking.. but im not. tonight felt SO good. i finally felt like i was free. i need to feel that again.........i really do...........
am i so BROKEN that i cant be FIXED? am i BEYOND REPAIR?
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| hate is a special kind of love we give to people who suck |
[11 Nov 2005|03:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Papa Roach - Scars |
] |
okay... so.. i got new paints today... and a canvas... yay.. but i havent a clue what im going to paint yet.. so.. BLAH but.. yea.. i am bored out of my mind.. and im going to go crazy in this house if i dont get the fuck out of here this weekend.. seriously.. there are going to me more holes in my wall.. im not joking.. i need out.. someone help me out here. someone club my parents.. to knock them out.. or knock some sense into them atleast. help me..... please....
i hate it here.. im not allowed to do shit with my friends.. im not allowed to go over to they're houses, and hang out.. they gotta come here, which doesnt help me with the "i need out" part. i swear.. when they leave.. im going to sneak out of my grammas house, and have a humongerous party at my house. at this point, i just dont care how much trouble i get in.. i just need something to make all this shit go away. alcohol would do the trick.. but alas, i am not allowed to drink thanx to certian peoples =P joking joking..
anyways.. im done bitching for today.. saving the rest of my bitching for some other time.
im out
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| Abandon the search for truth, settle for a good fantasy! |
[09 Nov 2005|06:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sore |
] |
| [ |
music |
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power 97 |
] |
Art: worked on painting.. yes, i finally got my sketch on to bigger paper =D im almost done my panting.. i've got maybe a quarter of it left =D
Math: reviewed for Exam.. which has now been changed to Tuesday=D THANKGAWD for that one. tomorrow i dont have a math class, as it has been cancelled.
History: had a twiz... thats right people. a TWIZ.. its a test AND a quiz =P
it was also report card day... but i was to lazy to sit and wait in line to fetch it.. so im going to get it tomorrow..
hey.. so... yea.. again... i thought i had something to put here, but i guess i was wrong. guess what?! HARRY POTTER IS COMING TO THEATRES SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im stoked... though i hate the books.. i really like the movies. as well... i'd like to see Saw 2.. kus i looks fucking freaky.. and cool.. and gross... JUST MY KINDA MOVIE eh!!!!!
getting distracted.... ahh... update is getting random...... ooooh butterfly.... prettty!!!
anyways... im out..
peace.
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| ...Now that im broken, theres no going back... |
[07 Nov 2005|11:42am] |
| [ |
mood |
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depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Our Lady Peace - are you sad? |
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....i feel so small....
this so isnt fair... i feel like im slipping away.. falling down this pit of no return.. things shouldnt be this way.. i shouldnt be feeling like this again.. everything seems so far away. school is just going downhill for me.. my goal of becoming a lawyer seems further and further away.. like you know that weird dream people have where they are running down a hall trying to reach the door.. but the walls stretch and as you try to get closer, the door seems to get further away? thats what i feel like. im begining to feel like school it virtually pointless.. to more i try.. the more i feel horribly about myself.. and the people i associate myself with there dont help me much either.. the only things i seeme to be good at would be art and english.. i seriously see no point in school.. there is no point in me being there.. my parents put me there to make me feel even more horribly about myself... i'd love to blame everyone else for this feeling of lostness.. this feeling of hopelessness...this dark feeling. but i cant.. i brought it upon myself.. and now i have to deal with it. ive been listening to Our Lady Peace a lot lately.. it seems to mellow me out..i'll zone out while listening to it.. and then.. when i come back to reality.. all that stress i got rid of temporarily comes back.. only.. twice as much as before. which kills my stomach.. the more stress i seem to be under.. the more pain my stomach produces...... i'd love to curl up in my bed and die...... but that would be to easy. that would be considered taking the easy road out. but did you ever think that maybe thats what im good at? taking the easy route? running from all my problems instead of fixing them? *sigh*
i sometimes i still feel like dying would be the best answer.. but i know it wouldnt solve anything... it would just bring more problems for others.. right? like....who would listen to everyones problems and give them advice? who'd do the stupid funny things i do? who'd be there in replace of me? if im replacing someone, then.. why cant they replace me? theres something missing inside of me.. its like this huge void that i cant get rid of. this feeling of emptyness. i fear im turning into the person i used to be... someone save me... someone wake me from this stupid nightmere.
this is possibly the most creepiest entry i've ever written.. sorry for that..
dont worry about me... i'll be fine by tomorrow..promise. =)
im out
peace
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charming_lies's journal